It has become evident that I'm having Ginger Snap's kid. This seems to be a trend in my family, Big Sister had my daughter (of the no-sleep, wants to be the life of the party/center of attention, dramatic variety) and I'm having Ginger's kid, of the stubborn, can't be told what to do, "I do it my way, when I'm ready dammit!" variety.
Oh Joy. She will be such a delightful teenager. I'm seeing lots of Xanax in my future.
To be fair, she's not entirely Ginger's kid....Husband is peppered with those qualities as well, not nearly as strong, but the flavor is definitely there.
How do I know this?
- She will kick the crap out of my ribs, bladder, internal organs etc... but as soon as someone else puts their hands on my tummy to feel, it's like she plays dead or does that super fun go limp thing that toddlers do when they throw a fit and you try to pick them up (a trick Ginger mastered well, if I remember correctly) little shit.
- She wiggles away from the heart monitor machines during my doctor's appointments. The point is to hook me up so they can get a good reading on her heart rate for 10 minutes or so. The nurse will hook me up, then walk away to...y'know do nurse stuff... then come back and check. Well not with this kid! They have to locate about where her chest is, then figure out just how much she's moving and where she's moving to and then find a spot between those two where they might get a good reading. This never works. Inevitibly, they find where she is and she'll stay there for them until they get the monitor set and are ready to walk away. As soon as they take 5-6 paces away, she wiggles out of range and the heart monitor goes silent. The nurse comes back, repeats the process and again, she wiggles out of range as soon as the nurse turns to leave. On more than one occasion, my daughter has required the nurse to stand there and hold the machine for the entire 10 minutes. I swear, the last time this happened, I could hear her giggling and blowing raspberries through my tummy.
- She thinks her life source is a plaything. At one particularly uneventful NST, baby girl apparently thought the dramatics needed to be kicked up a notch and decided to kick at her placenta where the umbilical cord connects, and when that didn't get the results she was looking for, she pulled and squeezed at her cord, making her heartrate dip below her baseline. Where did this leave her momma? Sitting in Labor and Delivery for 2 hours while they did additional testing on the little woman to make sure she wasn't doing these things out of distress. Of course she wasn't distressed....the kid was bored! By the time I got to Labor and Delivery and they whipped out their ultra sound machine, she was peacefully sleeping and sucking her thumb. I still had to sit for 2 hours to make sure she was ok.
I have an idea. If the kid exhibits behavior of a relative, that relative gets to take care of the kid until it's under control.
Ginger- Step right up, your party is waiting!