But you see I have a completely logical and reasonable explanation; I have an iPhone. And that iPhone has Auto Correct which is simultaneously my saving grace and the bane of my existence.
For the most part, Auto Correct is the perfect angel; capitalizing proper nouns because I’m too darn lazy, adding apostrophes in the correct places thus narrowly avoiding a homonym fail (see: their, there and they’re) or keeping me healthy or ironically trendy (see: I’ll vs. Ill).
But more often than not, Auto Correct loves nothing more than to make an ass of me at the most inopportune times.
Please allow this post to act as a PSA to those who regularly engage in text conversations with me:
• Please know that I mean books when I ask to borrow your boobs. I’ve got a pair of my own, 4 would be overkill.
• When I tell you I’m about to poop in the shower, I mean pop. And by all means, I’m sitting in the car not….well, you get it.
• I didn’t mean to call you a prick, honest. That was supposed to say pick.
• And please, spare me the Revolutionary War tales when my text reads Whigs. I meant to say ‘which.’
And the best part about Auto Correct? As soon as you realize you’ve made the initial mistake and are in a rush to correct it in a subsequent text, Auto Correct wants to continue to correct you with it’s recommended verbiage. A text conversation will often look like this:
Big Sister: Maybe instead of scones with tea on Sunday we can have Dutch Babies
Me: Oooh yes, Duty babies
Me: Dangit! **dutiful
Me: aah! Dots
Me: D U T C H….damn iPhone
Big Sister: I totally LOL’d. I was about to confirm we weren’t actually making duty babies.
Me: Come to think of it, we should totally make duty babies….they get S#!@ done!
And yes, I have tried turning Auto Correct off and either my thumbs are disproportionately huge to the iPhone keyboard, or typing on the damn thing is meant to be impossible so that in order to get anything resembling a cohesive thought across you'd have to use Auto Correct.
Husband: Be there soon
Husband: Wait, what?
And don’t think Steve Jobs isn’t enjoying every last second of these shenanigans... anyone else see the resemblance??