Friday, January 7, 2011

Things I've learned this week:

Remember in kindergarten, the teacher would send home a progress report of lessons taught that week that reiterated to parents that no, teacher wasn't implementing day-long naptimes or sniffing glue to get through the day, but that she was actually teaching thankyouverymuch? It might have included counting to 10, writing capital letters and teaching the children not to share their bodily functions during storytime.
Mine may not be as....colorful, but here's this week's progress report:

- That if I have any kind of chocolate in the house that I might want to eat, I had either better hide it, or eat it by Monday evening, because Mondays are when little Monsters come to raid my pantry and it likes the sweet stuff best. And, under no circumstances am I to leave it out where Husband can find it. That 1lb bag of M&Ms I received as a white elephant gift? I think I had a handful....

**Field note: Monsters do not like Peppermint Bark, must stock up as that's the only chocolate she will not eat**

- That sometimes, when I have (and please excuse the metaphore, i'm not particularly fond of it but for this situation, it works) diarrhea of the mouth that some people will throw money at the problem just to get me to stop jabbering at them. Needless to say, chattering on like a squirrel is not a tactic I intend to call upon in future endeavors, but this time, I think it worked in my favor.

- That my forgetfulness is contagious with a two week incubation period. Case in point: two weeks ago I forgot my ballet pants and therefore, couldn't go to dance. This week, Monster forgot all of her ballet clothes and we couldn't go to dance. Thank goodness we have a measure of what's appropriate attire for public. Imagine if we had decided, to hell with it! Let's go anyways! I'll fashion my two tanktops as a fancy strappy minidress and you prance about naked as the day you were born and we'll show them our high kicks and double pirouettes.

- That when you have a migraine, no matter how awful, it's NEVER a good idea to mix your prescription medication with 2 4 extra strength Excedrin Migraine tablets. What you'll end up with is a limp, numb tounge, little to no ability to form cohesive sentences and a bit of a drooling problem the following day.  If however, you are bored on a Saturday night with no forseeable possibility of fun, it may be a good idea to slip your best friend your prescription medication with 4 extra strength Excedrin Migraine tablets, just to see what happens.

- That no matter how persuasive they might be, you shouldn't believe everyone who tells you that you could have a real future in stand-up comedy. You don't.
Also, nothing takes away your ability to entertain the idea of doing stand-up comedy faster than watching a really bad comedian....

-That two long island iced teas at the Punchline Comedy Club has similar effects on my mother as mixing your prescription medication with 2 4 extra strength Excedrin Migraine tablets. :) Just kidding, Mom! Sort of

- That I should never expect just a walk conversation from my father. No, instead I'll get grandiose career advancement ideas taken from the smallest tidbits of our discussion that include, but are not limited to, iPhone apps, podcasts, twitter feeds and planned discussion sessions and talking points a week in advance to schedule what topics to discuss on our walk that day and whether or not that would be a good one to record for a podcast for our iPhone app that we'll make....someday.

- That every idea sounds like a good idea when dad says it.


melinda said...

Funny, my tongue wasn't numb and I didn't feel like I couldn't form sentences!! But it was what the doctor ordered to keep from feeling "stabby"!

Meg said...

MOM!!! You figured out how to comment! Hooray! Thanks for being one of my most faithful readers. Love you....especially when you're hopped up on LIIT's ;)