Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Missed 15 Minutes of Fame

This is the story of how I missed my 15 minutes of fame by listening to my crazy paranoid self, which actually, for once worked in my favor. You see, I was thisclose to being on the TV show "I didn't know I was Pregnant."
Yeah, I could have been one of those people.

TMI Warning, for those of you who don't care to know that much about me, TURN AWAY NOW!! We won't judge:


I was supposed to get my period in March, when it didn't show up by day 50 in my cycle my first thought was "finally! Proof that my Thyroid really is a problem," and with that, I made an appointment with my doctor.

A simple blood test later (3/29) proved that my Thyroid was indeed failing. My doctor explained that chances are, it had impacted my "lady business" enough for me to not ovulate and therefore, not have a period. He ordered a prescription Thyroid replacement and told me that it would take a few weeks to kick in, that I probably wouldn't ovulate again in April, but that it would be enough of a hormone replacement to jump start a period sometime in April.

My birthday was on April 3 and Husband spoiled me rotten, he arranged for a massage, bought me a Nook, organized a brunch and generally took his naturally doting nature to the next level.*

By the time his birthday rolled around, we were deep in the throes of house hunting and making offers, and being outbid and the stress of that combined with work had really taken a toll on the both of us. We couldn't have been more relieved to get out of dodge for our Mystery Vacation in Monterey.

It wasn't until the first of May rolled around that I realized, I hadn't gotten a period again. This didn't worry me too much as I chalked it up to the medication taking longer to kick in, and went on with my life.

We made an offer on our first home, entered escrow and had joked with our realtor that the next big thing we could think about was a baby, but that wasn't for awhile.

Mother's Day rolled around and as we were leaving my parent's house after Sunday dinner I wished my mom a Happy Mother's Day and she said "You too?" I gave her a look and said "No, and even if I was, this isn't how I'd tell you. But no, I'm not."**

By the second week of May, with no period in sight and me still not too worried, except for the fact that maybe my meds were off, Husband brought home a box of pregnancy tests.

"Just take one, either way you'll know what's up and if you need to see the Dr. again."

So I obliged.

Now first, let me explain that these were not any pregnancy test you see advertised on television. They were your average pee on a stick and wait test, but First Response or EPT they were not. These were clearance, bottom shelf, generics called, I shit you not, Answers First (you see what they did there? Answers First =/= First Response).

I read the clear as mud directions and payed extra special attention to the results key which clearly indicated that:

(      I ) = not pregnant            and          ( I    I ) = pregnant

From this I deduced that the right-most line was the "test" line, the line that indicated whether or not the test had been administered correctly, and that the left-most line was the indicator of a hitch hiker or not.

Easy enough, right?***

My test result came back as this:

Not my actual test. Does that make it more or less creepy and gross??
The first line is very clear but the test line was very faint, which to me, meant that I hadn't peed on it correctly (how you pee on something wrong, I guess I'll never know). I emerged from the bathroom, test in hand, showed it to Husband and said "Nope!"

After a few minutes of hemming and hawing over the results and the test instructions all he could offer was "I don't know babe, I kinda think you are." I tampered any growing excitement he had with my expertise on reading pregnancy tests**** and explained that if the test line doesn't show up, it's a false positive.***** That was on a Tuesday.

He insisted I take another a few days later and so, to get the most accurate results, I took it first thing in the morning on the following Saturday. I got the same result.

The following week after several stressful conversations about the affordability of our new house and whether or not we were sure it was "the one," Husband decides to drop a bomb on me one night while I'm home alone and he's working late.

"I was talking to (co-worker) L today and she said her sister had the same test results as you and she really was pregnant."

At that point the stress and overwhelming nature of it all crashed down on me and I, in a panic, called my sister in sobs. No sooner had she answered I was blurting out, through tears, "I think I'm pregnant."

I retold her the events of the previous several weeks and test results and she simply suggested we go buy a digital test that would tell us, without the codes of pink lines, flat out whether or not there was reason for panic. She also reminded me that even if I was, I shouldn't be crying and that it was exciting and fun and that I'd have the same reactions and support from most everybody.

That night, well after any reasonable hour, Husband and I purchased a Clear Blue digital test. I went to the bathroom and within three seconds of my "taking" the test I had my answer:

Again, not my actual test...
 That was May 11th. On May 18th we told my parents, and, to keep this story short, we had a doctor's appointment on May 19th at which point I figured I'd be a few weeks along, maybe 2-4.

I was 8 weeks and 5 days, baby had a beating heart and was starting to look more like a baby than a blob. The doctor cheerfully told me I was nearly through my first trimester and was 90% out of the woods for miscarriage as a heartbeat could be found and heard and baby was developing normally.

I just stared with my mouth open. The pregnancy itself was a surprise, but being two months in already was downright shocking. She calculated the conception date as right around April 3-4.******

Suddenly, things I had previously written off as stress or upset tummy all made sense. I had been tired alot and falling asleep earlier on weeknights (stress of buying a house and work), on Mother's Day, Monster made bacon-wrapped shrimp and I couldn't stand to look at or smell the things, (just a funky tummy, not hungry for bacon-wrapped shrimp).

And then I remembered all the stupid things I'd done that could have hurt the little nugget (it's amazing how attached to it you get when you realize you're expecting a baby) I'd had sips of wine, I'd sat in ocean water drenched underwear kayaking with 100 ton sea lions, I'd spent two evenings in a hot tub, I'd skipped dinner, and marinated myself in Diet Coke.

The doctor assured me that none of those things had negatively impacted our child-to-be, and told me to relax, enjoy the remaining 6.5 months of the pregnancy and to have a nursery ready by Christmas Day, our due date. I left surprised at this new development and overjoyed at this gift that had been unknowingly bestowed upon me.

Husband and I are thrilled at becoming parents, and mom's super happy she's not getting a toilet grandbaby, and honestly, I am too.

*  No, that is not a euphamism.

** Keep in mind she knew I'd started Thyroid meds, but had NO IDEA I'd missed another period.

*** Wrong!

**** That's sarcasm, I can count on one hand the number of pregnancy tests I've taken and they have all been out of paranoia, not out of actual hope

***** I now know there is no such thing as a false positive

****** Apparently those Thyroid meds work pretty quick


Mrs. E said...

: ) Can't wait!

SjD said...

i could cry tears of joy. for real. thanks for sharing your story, i LOVED it!