STOP!

Have you ever wanted to just scream at life and the world just spinning out of control “STOP IT ALREADY! JUST STOP!”

I need a breather… the current state of my house can attest to this. The dark circles under my eyes would second it, and my growing list of to dos would raise its hand as a third.

I blogged once the entire month of October…..once.

But in my defense, because I’m pretty much the only one who will rise to my defense when it comes to not blogging, October was a hellish month.

Don’t get me wrong, it ended spectacularly with the best baby shower evah! And our first Halloween with trick-or-treaters. But dammit if October didn’t kick my butt.

Let me count the ways:

-         The first week of October found husband and I in court, suing our apartment complex for return of our security deposit, a Doctor’s appointment with an almost certain diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes, and a 3-hour glucose test that would, inevitably, unfortunately, confirm said diagnosis.
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient!

-         The second week of October was spent crying over the previous weeks’ diagnosis and what that would mean for the remainder of the pregnancy (at the time 12 weeks), constant scrutiny over what I could and was supposed to eat and, finally, a 3-hour long class showing Husband and I exactly what to eat (lots of protein, whole grains and veggies, absolutely NO SWEETS) when to eat (every 2-3 hours….blech) and when and how to prick my fingers (four times a day, side of the finger, squeeze until you get enough blood). To really put the icing on the cupcake (that I can no longer have), a couple of co-workers decided this would be the week to be total jerks to me and my boss decided to sit back and do nothing. To say I was stressed beyond capacity and an emotional wreck is a vast understatement.  
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient!  Certainly it can’t get any worse…..can it?

-         The third week of October was spent eating force feeding myself, pricking my finger, charting blood sugar numbers and listening to Husband struggle with a terrible head cold. Towards the end of the week,despite eating what I was supposed to, when I was supposed to my numbers kep tcoming back too high, and the Doctor said that since diet wasn’t controlling the GD she advised I begin medication to help regulate my blood sugars. If that didn’t do the trick, she said, I’d move on to injectable insulin. Needless to say, I not only felt like a failure, I was devastated, embarrassed, scared and really friggen frustrated.  She also discussed what this meant for the remainder of the pregnancy (now 11 weeks) i.e twice weekly fetal monitoring sessions to make sure Baby Girl wasn’t in distress or getting too big, and possible induction between weeks 39 and 40.
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient! Certainly it can’t get any worse…..can it? To hell with it all!

-         The fourth week of October is when things finally began to turn somewhat. My baby shower, hosted by Mommy Dearest, Big Sister, Ginger Snap and Monster was a total surprise and really made this girl feel pretty darn lucky and loved, despite all the not-so-great that was happening. My first fetal monitoring sessions proved to be exactly the kind of reassurance that I had been craving for the past 31 weeks (I’m a worrier ok?!). I got to see Baby Girl via ultrasound, and hear her heartbeat speed and slow with everykick to my rib and squirm in my tummy. The nurses were patient and kind, answering all of my questions and reassuring me that this diagnosis would not destroy me. (Make no mistake, by this point Husband and I had cemented our Rose Colored sunglasses in place, were focused on the silver lining and were making the best of the situation, as we always do when facing adversity)
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient!Certainly it can’t get any worse…..can it? To hell with it all! I think I can….

So you see, in my defense, there wasn’t a whole heck of a lot that I was “loving on Wednesdays” or fun photos to take with my iPhone, or even things that I was ready to share with members of my own family, let alone with the entire blogosphere and whomever may stumble here on occasion.  This blog might have taken a turn for the worst and could have been pretty dark there for awhile. But like the saying goes, when it rains it pours and then the sun comes out.
It goes without saying that the sun is definitely back in my life….

Missing the biggest ray of sunshine of them all, my Mommy Dearest