Way to make it awkward...

Like I said in the previous post, I had an induction set for the 18th, exactly one week before the Little Misses' due date.

The Saturday before I was to be induced was spent doing laundry, finishing up Christmas shopping and making sure the hospital bag was packed with everything we might need. 

I was headed upstairs to take a shower before heading out to a friends' Christmas party when my phone rang and the Kaiser Hospital number flashed on my screen. Figuring it was a confirmation call about the next day's induction, I answered.

Nurse (youngish, maybe 22/24): Hi Megan we were just calling to confirm your appointment tomorrow for a scheduled induction at 6:15 a.m.

Me: Yep, I'll be there!

Nurse: Ok great also I wanted to remind you not to shave your pubic area

Me: Oh? Is someone going to do that for me? (I was being totally serious....maybe there was a nurse who REALLY wanted to do that? Or maybe they were particular in how they wanted it done? I don't know these things! This is my first time!)

Nurse: Uhm....No. We give you antiseptic wipes to clean the area and it will burn if you shave, so we ask that you don't.

Me: Oh! Well I can't see that anymore anyways so I wouldn't really feel comfortable putting a razor blade in that area without being able to see what I'm doing....that could end poorly.

Nurse: -audibly uncomfortable- Ok....bye

Me: -realizing that my attempt at humor took a dip south of awkward- Bye!

That nurse owes me for the great story she now has to tell. I can hear it now: "So this one time, this girl asked if we were going to shave her crotch...."

Party story GOLD I tell you.

I want

I want to see this:

Read more of this:

Munch on these:

and cuddle this more:

That last one is definitely getting checked off the list :)

Baby OUT!

I was scheduled to be induced yesterday.... it did not go well.

The week leading up to the induction, there were grandiose thoughts and ideas that baby would come on her own and in true "Megan's child" fashion, make a grand dramatic entrance. Maybe my water would break at work? Maybe I'd suddenly go into labor at the company Christmas party? Maybe my water would break at my friend's Holiday party the night before my scheduled induction?

No dice.

So we resigned ourselves to the idea that she would come with a little nudging from the doctor. But that there would be drama somewhere in the labor and delivery process.

Instead we learned that this kid is of the "plant the seed and wait 6 mos for fruition" school of thought.

You know the kind. The conversation typically looks like this:

"Hey, you know, you might want to think about coming out now. We have a pretty cool room for you, and lots of cute clothes and I know it's warm and cozy where you are, but don't you think it's a bit crowded? Wouldn't you like some fresh air? Totally up to you of course....I was just sayin'"

Her: Blank stare, blinks a few times.

You: Just something to think about.....totally up to you. Though you might really enjoy coming out and being out of there......so......

 This all has to be said with as little interest or enthusiasm as possible and then back away slowly, make no sudden movements. If she catches even a hint that this idea is what you want, all bets are off.  You have to plant the seed, and then wait for it to become her idea.

I should have started the eviction process with this kid before we hit the second trimester....how stupid am I?

At the rate I'm going, I'm going to have the gestation period of a friggen' elephant.....

I'm having my sister's daughter....

It has become evident that I'm having Ginger Snap's kid. This seems to be a trend in my family, Big Sister had my daughter (of the no-sleep, wants to be the life of the party/center of attention, dramatic variety) and I'm having Ginger's kid, of the stubborn, can't be told what to do, "I do it my way, when I'm ready dammit!" variety.

Oh Joy. She will be such a delightful teenager. I'm seeing lots of Xanax in my future.

To be fair, she's not entirely Ginger's kid....Husband is peppered with those qualities as well, not nearly as strong, but the flavor is definitely there.

How do I know this?

- She will kick the crap out of my ribs, bladder, internal organs etc... but as soon as someone else puts their hands on my tummy to feel, it's like she plays dead or does that super fun go limp thing that toddlers do when they throw a fit and you try to pick them up (a trick Ginger mastered well, if I remember correctly) little shit.

- She wiggles away from the heart monitor machines during my doctor's appointments. The point is to hook me up so they can get a good reading on her heart rate for 10 minutes or so. The nurse will hook me up, then walk away to...y'know do nurse stuff... then come back and check. Well not with this kid! They have to locate about where her chest is, then figure out just how much she's moving and where she's moving to and then find a spot between those two where they might get a good reading. This never works. Inevitibly, they find where she is and she'll stay there for them until they get the monitor set and are ready to walk away. As soon as they take 5-6 paces away, she wiggles out of range and the heart monitor goes silent. The nurse comes back, repeats the process and again, she wiggles out of range as soon as the nurse turns to leave. On more than one occasion, my daughter has required the nurse to stand there and hold the machine for the entire 10 minutes. I swear, the last time this happened, I could hear her giggling and blowing raspberries through my tummy.

-  She thinks her life source is a plaything. At one particularly uneventful NST, baby girl apparently thought the dramatics needed to be kicked up a notch and decided to kick at her placenta where the umbilical cord connects, and when that didn't get the results she was looking for, she pulled and squeezed at her cord, making her heartrate dip below her baseline. Where did this leave her momma? Sitting in Labor and Delivery for 2 hours while they did additional testing on the little woman to make sure she wasn't doing these things out of distress. Of course she wasn't distressed....the kid was bored! By the time I got to Labor and Delivery and they whipped out their ultra sound machine, she was peacefully sleeping and sucking her thumb. I still had to sit for 2 hours to make sure she was ok.

I have an idea. If the kid exhibits behavior of a relative, that relative gets to take care of the kid until it's under control.

Ginger- Step right up, your party is waiting!

Things that are awesome about pregnancy

See if you can tell which ones I’m being sarcastic about…..

• A “late night” is 10:00 and if I sit or lay down shortly after dinner, all bets are off. Sleep has never come this easy for me, this coming from the girl who pretty much requires a solid 10, 11 sometimes 12 hours of sleep to function, however it can be frustrating when Husband doesn’t come home from class until 10 and you’d like to see him and spend time enjoying a TV show while trying to keep your eyes open. See also: waking up in a puddle of your own drool. Sexay!

• The dull ache that spontaneously erupts in your hip joints when you get up from a seated or laying position. Luckily once the girls warm up, we’re off and running, but for those first 45 seconds I’m probably quite a sight to be seen hobbling around.

• The comments. “You’re so big!” “You’re not showing very much at all!” (What?!)  “You’re not going to go into labor here are you?” "Look at you! You're starting to waddle!" “You think you’re tired now,just wait till you’re up at 2 am with a screaming baby!” “You really shouldn’t be moving furniture” (I was pushing in my chair) Such good opportunities to practice biting my tongue and smiling and nodding. Did someone write me a prescription for patience and tolerance?!

• My “memory foam” legs. I’m retaining water. It’s gross. And also fun! I like to make shapes and spell out ‘hello’ with the indents that my fingers leave on my legs. Husband is not nearly as impressed with my new skill, he calls it “Tempurpedic mattress legs” he really knows how to make a girl’s heart melt, I tell ya.

• Watching your clothes move because of the alien in your tummy. Buttons flinch, zipper pulls bounce, ribbed tank tops become ripply. What’s even more awesome? Lifting up your shirt to watch your skin mutate before your eyes (only in the privacy of my own home, mind you)….have you ever seen a baby bum move underneath 7 layers of skin? No? I encourage you to experience this…..it’s quite unsettling.

In all seriousness though, people…..this whole thing is pretty cool. I’d do it again and again and again in a heartbeat (which I’m sure thrills Mommy Dearest). Pretty neat what our bodies can do, and from what I understand, the best is yet to come.

STOP!

Have you ever wanted to just scream at life and the world just spinning out of control “STOP IT ALREADY! JUST STOP!”

I need a breather… the current state of my house can attest to this. The dark circles under my eyes would second it, and my growing list of to dos would raise its hand as a third.

I blogged once the entire month of October…..once.

But in my defense, because I’m pretty much the only one who will rise to my defense when it comes to not blogging, October was a hellish month.

Don’t get me wrong, it ended spectacularly with the best baby shower evah! And our first Halloween with trick-or-treaters. But dammit if October didn’t kick my butt.

Let me count the ways:

-         The first week of October found husband and I in court, suing our apartment complex for return of our security deposit, a Doctor’s appointment with an almost certain diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes, and a 3-hour glucose test that would, inevitably, unfortunately, confirm said diagnosis.
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient!

-         The second week of October was spent crying over the previous weeks’ diagnosis and what that would mean for the remainder of the pregnancy (at the time 12 weeks), constant scrutiny over what I could and was supposed to eat and, finally, a 3-hour long class showing Husband and I exactly what to eat (lots of protein, whole grains and veggies, absolutely NO SWEETS) when to eat (every 2-3 hours….blech) and when and how to prick my fingers (four times a day, side of the finger, squeeze until you get enough blood). To really put the icing on the cupcake (that I can no longer have), a couple of co-workers decided this would be the week to be total jerks to me and my boss decided to sit back and do nothing. To say I was stressed beyond capacity and an emotional wreck is a vast understatement.  
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient!  Certainly it can’t get any worse…..can it?

-         The third week of October was spent eating force feeding myself, pricking my finger, charting blood sugar numbers and listening to Husband struggle with a terrible head cold. Towards the end of the week,despite eating what I was supposed to, when I was supposed to my numbers kep tcoming back too high, and the Doctor said that since diet wasn’t controlling the GD she advised I begin medication to help regulate my blood sugars. If that didn’t do the trick, she said, I’d move on to injectable insulin. Needless to say, I not only felt like a failure, I was devastated, embarrassed, scared and really friggen frustrated.  She also discussed what this meant for the remainder of the pregnancy (now 11 weeks) i.e twice weekly fetal monitoring sessions to make sure Baby Girl wasn’t in distress or getting too big, and possible induction between weeks 39 and 40.
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient! Certainly it can’t get any worse…..can it? To hell with it all!

-         The fourth week of October is when things finally began to turn somewhat. My baby shower, hosted by Mommy Dearest, Big Sister, Ginger Snap and Monster was a total surprise and really made this girl feel pretty darn lucky and loved, despite all the not-so-great that was happening. My first fetal monitoring sessions proved to be exactly the kind of reassurance that I had been craving for the past 31 weeks (I’m a worrier ok?!). I got to see Baby Girl via ultrasound, and hear her heartbeat speed and slow with everykick to my rib and squirm in my tummy. The nurses were patient and kind, answering all of my questions and reassuring me that this diagnosis would not destroy me. (Make no mistake, by this point Husband and I had cemented our Rose Colored sunglasses in place, were focused on the silver lining and were making the best of the situation, as we always do when facing adversity)
Monthly rating : Well, this is inconvenient!Certainly it can’t get any worse…..can it? To hell with it all! I think I can….

So you see, in my defense, there wasn’t a whole heck of a lot that I was “loving on Wednesdays” or fun photos to take with my iPhone, or even things that I was ready to share with members of my own family, let alone with the entire blogosphere and whomever may stumble here on occasion.  This blog might have taken a turn for the worst and could have been pretty dark there for awhile. But like the saying goes, when it rains it pours and then the sun comes out.
It goes without saying that the sun is definitely back in my life….

Missing the biggest ray of sunshine of them all, my Mommy Dearest

My life according to my iPhone

Sometimes the best measure of a person is to take a peek at the pictures they take. Since I usually have my phone on me, it's no surprise that a majority of my photos on a day to day basis are taken with my iPhone.

Plus, it sounds much more interesting than "pictures from my canon point and shoot" or "pictures from my DSLR." Snooze fest!

Here goes:

Cars that look like animals:

Can you see the bear in the boat?
hint: The two eyes are obvious, the area around the rudder is the nose and mouth

Find the kitty!
hint: The eyes are obvious again, the white swishes on either side are whiskers,
the door handle is the nose, and the orange area/license plate is an open mouth because the kitty says "Meow"

Random acts of stupidity:

 

Ok grammar/spelling police, get out your red pens and find the typo! Big Sister and I stood in front of the bib on the left for a good 15 minutes trying to figure it out. Here were our ideas:

- Every turkey is thankful for me (?)

- Every thankful turkey for me (?)

- Every chick with tailfeathers thankful for me (?)

Enough with this cryptic bib with its hidden meanings! I pulled the janky one off the shelf and the one on the right stared back at me. Oooh, got it.

Uhm.... What? I guess I didn't realize Obesity was
self-aware enough to do studies of itself...

Dude...the sign? I don't believe we can make
this any easier on you Captain Oblivion

Aaah! Realizing just how much hair Monster chopped off:

Do I have any left?!

Babies that pass out on my floor:

Almost too cute to wake up....good thing she's
even cuter when she's awake

Kay so what does this say about my life??